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05:51pm 01/09/2005
  wow it has seriously been way to long since i have updated in this journal. i dont even know where to start me and my ex mike broke up in may, i started seeing someone else who i love totally and he love me and my imperfections which is weird to me. idk about that. haha but any who since may i have dropped weight i know i have you can see it but i dont have a scale last time i weighted my self it was like 138 about soo im going with that. i hate scales im to crazed about it.
well im happy
and loosing
which is aweosme

<3		  
     

(2 pieces X Break my heart)
 
   
09:01pm 14/05/2005
  im just fat


the end		  
     

(3 pieces X Break my heart)
 
   
12:35pm 16/10/2004
  fucking cookies  
     

(Break my heart)
 
   
06:53pm 27/08/2004
  i swear im getting fatter by the minute, and i hate it for once i want people to ask me if im loosing weight and to tell me that i look good. instead of having to hear."oh your getting a little chubby" and "kat hun why dont you go do some sit ups"

thank you mother for the kind words. blah i swear my birthcontrol is hating me and making me huge. they keep changing the kind i am on and i think its fucking up my body. so im gaining again im at 145 now and gross. i want to be 130 by next month. i think i can do it i kinda want to stop taking my birthcontrol maybe i will.

i want to try that jasmine or whatever kind my friend has lost alot of weight being on that. i want to see if itll work for me
:D
i hope so

alright

im out later		  
     

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11:23am 19/08/2004
 
mood: depressed
the more i question things the more i wish i never did. things are so not alright with me any more.

after one of my best friends died a few weeks ago, and then there is me who questions everything about that and what happend and how it happend and im still asking my self why it happend. i hate when bad things happen to amazing people, still is not fair to me not at all. not one fucking bit.

im a pain i love what i have with mike right now i am enjoying it alot, but im not i want more i want to be the only one who he is with not just someone he is dating. idk i just dont want to bug him about it any more. bc i dont want to push him away..

i think things are getting better between us though. i dont want to lie to him any more so i dont. trying to keep my self healtyh and excersie. i dont know why i braught this journal back maybe just for something to write my thoughts into when im bored. and well im bored.

idk i really cant stop thinking about ted, and how i had to have been the worst friend to him in the world but he thought of me as one of the best. i feel bad for every bad things ive ever said about that boy because he would forgive you for anything. you hurt him and hes like its cool dont worry about it. strong kid amaing kid and now hes not here any more. it pissed me off that on his brithday no one wanted to go see ihim with me and his grilfriend and nicole so it was just us 3 no one else. fucking pissed me off thanks guys. loyal friends at its best, idk i wish he was still around for me to talk to i hate it i do.

it doesnt help that i dont feel like mike wants to be close to me, i asked him were we stood and he said i dont know i want to sit down today and see if we can make things work if not idk i dont want to loose him forever bc he means that much to me but if thats what he wants then ill give it to him.		  
     

(1 pieces X Break my heart)
 
   
12:15pm 07/08/2004
  im back  
     

(Break my heart)
 
   
07:45pm 07/04/2004
  this journal will be friends only  
     

(6 pieces X Break my heart)
 
 
faeriemagick
 
 

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